In Defense of Public Relations

Sorry for being the bearer of bad news, but summer is about to end.  This usually means students will be going back to school inching themselves closer to a diploma and possibly a career of their choosing like flipping burgers at McDonald’s.

This is the right time for experienced PR pros to think about how they mentor the younger PR executives and/or interns at their shop.  As we all know, school doesn’t even come close to duplicating what goes on in the real world of public relations.

So it begs the question. Are you a Mentor or a Monster? Take the simple quiz below and find out what you are or better yet, who you are.  (Disclaimer: not responsible for any self-realization or epiphany you may or may not experience.)

1. So your Intern/AC/AAE forgot a couple of punctuation marks and missed spelling errors in the activity report, pitch letter, press release, internal email to you, etc.  Do you fly off the handle and go medieval on junior’s a$$ for typos?

A) Yes  B) No

2. When you call a team meeting and one of your team members (say an Account Supervisor) comes up with a brilliant idea, do you present the idea to the client as your own?

A) Yes  B) No

3. Let’s say you present the brilliant idea to the client, but the client reacts by saying, “that was the dumbest thing you’ve ever suggested,” do you now backtrack and say the idea came from someone else?

A) Yes  B) No

4. Do you expect to learn from the most junior person on your PR team even if this person answers to the name “stupid or moron?”

A) Yes  B) No

5. Have you ever told someone on your team to LIE to a client about a media opportunity or a missed deadline you were responsible for?

A) Yes  B) No

6. Have you ever requested any one on your team who has thousands of Twitter followers to give you a #followfriday shout out or re-tweet your incoherent blog post?

A) Yes  B) No

7. When you read PRCog’s recent post, This is a Call (Out), did you feel sympathetic to the type of douchebag-ery Cog was addressing on his post because you had asked someone from your team to do the same?

A) Yes  B) No

8. When someone on your team secures an awesome media placement, do you ask “where are the rest of the hits?”

A) Yes  B) No

9. When you call a brainstorm session, do you end up dishing out all the ideas and not let others weigh in?

A) Yes  B) No

10. Do you call yourself a mentor in public when in reality everyone calls you monster behind your back?

A) Yes  B) No

I guess it’s obvious that if you answered YES to most of the questions, you’re not a mentor.  This doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t get the job done or you’re a bad PR professional, but chances are you don’t and you’re bad at what you do.  This also means that you define PR as phony relations.

So take this post as a reminder that you were once a young impressionable PR pro and that the folks who report to you could someday head their own agencies or work in-house and become potential clients.  Also, if there are enough people who wish you get hit by a bus, it may just happen.  I know I sleep better at night knowing I didn’t bring anyone to the dark side, or at least, that’s what I believe.

(Questions are based on real-life experiences at the insane asylum I call the firm)

I’m not talking about the novel by John Grisham, which starred Tom Cruise, in the screen adaptation.  As my anniversary date here approaches, I’ve decided it’s time to give my Twitter friends an inside look on where I get my material for my “dear firmprez and dear boss” tweets since many of you have asked.  Whether they are fact or fiction, I can’t confirm or deny.  I take the 5th!

Disclaimer: This post is simply to educate and entertain without any malice.  Any similiarity to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. I am just exercising my First Amendment rights. (I had to state that per my lawyer). Personally, if any of the characters below describe you, I advise you to immediately seek professional help.

So here they are, the geniuses at the firm.  Believe it or not.

Firmprez — The Li’l Big Guy or the Big Li’l Guy.  However he’s viewed, he is smart to have built a profitable PR firm.  Unfortunately, he’s stuck reliving his glory days of the 80′s and haven’t moved forward in technology and ideas. I heard from a former I.T. guy that he finally had email installed in 2001.  Unforgettable comments: In 2007, firmprez said “people will not accept receiving their news via the Internet, and that the growth of online media is a fad.”  “No head of a PR firm actually tweets, someone else does it for them.”  Sent email to staff begging, “pls. feel free to read and comment on my blog” (which he started about 3 months ago).

The following are next in line at the firm. I refer to them as the UN-holy trinity since every time these three meet in private all hell breaks lose.

Big (literally) Boss — Feared for the weight s/he carries around at the firm. Big Boss has a nervous twitch that throws many people off.  Has a talent for making everyone around him/her feel so small (not just because of his/her size).  Classic comments: “Lie to a client if you have to. They’re paying a retainer!”  “Lie to the reporter about why client backed out of interview.”  Traumatized me when s/he used a pushpin to pick his/her teeth after devouring a mango with his/her bare hands.  S/he may have swallowed the skin and seed.

Ditzy Boss — To say Ditzy Boss is not the sharpest knife in the drawer is an insult to knives. On average, DB exclaims, “I’m Confused!” about five times a day.  Classic moment: DB’s desk is so messy that his/her phone was hidden under a stack of papers from 1995. When s/he was able to find the corded handset, she placed it in his/her ear and proceeded to press on his/her PC’s numeric keypad to make the call.  After a couple of minutes, he/she hollers, “what’s wrong with this darn phone?” Dumbest advice to client: “Open a twitter account and tweet about your company.” Open? It’s not a bank DB! Most memorable comment: “What’s social media?”

Phony Boss — I hardly tweet about phony boss because I avoid him/her like the plague. S/he’s the type to be pleasant to talk with and would think of as a friend, but behind you’re back s/he’ll stab you to death. Think Scream.  Classic employee advice: “If you do XYZ, you’ll be better at your job” really means “You’re fired in two weeks and we’re interviewing for your replacement as we speak.”  Phoniest client advice: “If you do XYZ, you’ll be on Oprah.” Client reply: “How many times have you gotten a client on Oprah?” PB: “That’s beside the point.” Way to spin it.

The supporting cast:

The Office Manager — Saves the firm about $500/year on office supplies.  Classic line: “How many pieces do you need?” when one asks for push pins. Has toilet paper locked in a cabinet. Orders receptionist to walk additional two blocks to buy milk to save a quarter. Kind to those s/he likes.

Boss — Not Bruce Springsteen, but a generic boss who pretty much has the role of being the firmprez’s bitch. He’s the guy who’s been with the company forever and everyone wonders what his role really is.  Stuck in a windowless office with only a staple gun to play with.  Constantly nervous.  He’s the guy who might snap and come in one day, not with a staple gun, but with a shot gun.  Totally clueless on anything to do with PR.

Co-workers — I love all of them! There are a couple with loose screws like the one who keeps barging into my office to ask how to save a Word doc. This is the same person who sent a tweet to herself/himself and wondered why s/he can’t gain any followers.

Me — I’m simply an observer of things that go on around me. I guess I’m just lucky or unlucky (depends on your perspective) that my office is situated where I see and hear these things transpire. Why am I still here you ask? Besides that it’s a recession, it’s fun to have a front row seat to a live sitcom. I’m living a real life reality show.  Make sense? Also, I’m learning so much here. It’s a simple yet winning strategy. When I start my own firm, all I have to do is do the exact opposite of what they do here and I’m guaranteed success.

Please feel free to vent about your PR firm, clients and reporters by emailing me at prdude@indefenseofpr.com.  Your rants will be treated as confidential.