In Defense of Public Relations

Since joining Twitter less than a year ago (pre-@aplusk), I’ve observed many new words being created using Twitter’s first two letters — TW.  I’ve always had a special affinity towards TW only because it’s the initials of Tiger Woods, but I digress.

The combined letters, T & W, are also used by many Twitter apps like Tweetie, Twitturly, Twitterrific, Twitpic, among many others to show that it’s somehow related to Twitter. Trust me, if you’re a dude hanging out with a bunch of non-twittering dudes, the last thing you want to say is, “I’m tweeting using twhirl & tweetie.” Hey, I get it, it’s a San Francisco company. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

So here’s what I’ve come up with as my very own Twitter glossary of terms or Twitter slang, in short, Twang:

TWIT — One who tweets about everything that happens in their lives no matter how mundane. Sample tweets look like this: Ate at Taco Bell. Took a dump. Flushed toilet. Forgot to wipe ass.

NITWIT — What I’d call Ditzy Boss when DB starts tweeting. Seriously, Twitterers whose tweets indicate their IQ level is in the low double digits.

TWISTED — Tweets that are so insane that you can’t tell whether it’s a joke or if you should be calling 911 maybe even CTU.

TWYCHO — Taking TWISTED a step further. A twitterer whose obviously a perv. Also classified as a twitter stalker. You must immediately remove and block from your follower list. If persistent, call the authorities, or send message to @ev or @biz .

TWIVORCE — Two twitter friends who now have irreconcilable differences. They remove each other from their follow lists, but on occassion, goes directly to the other’s twitter feeds to see what they’re saying. One day, a twitterer will use twitter to serve divorce papers to his/her spouse in under 140 characters.

TWILO — A former hip Manhattan club where many NYC Twitterers used to partay before Twitter was invented. Today the NYC party animals are stuck at home staring at their twitter feeds taking care of the kids they had with their dance partners at the famed Manhattan night club. The only clubbing they do these days is with a golf club.

TWITCHICK — Self-explanatory for dudes, but proceed with caution because twitter profile pics can be enhanced or be an outright fake. Unfortunately, in twitter-verse you can never tell.

CELEBRITWITS — Not to be confused with CELEBUTWANTS like Paris Hilton who tweets as @babygirlparis. These are the celebs on Twitter who showcase their celeb status by only following a select few of their celeb friends while their followed by hundreds of thousands even millions. Many are classified as TWITS and NITWITS judging by their celebri-tweets. See above for definitions.

TWAB — Twitter Acronym Break. Introduced by @joeprguy for active twitterers to stop for a couple of minutes and define acronyms that Joe (aka “Mr. Check Out My Guns”) tweets. I thought it was a pointless exercise at first, but after a few times, I ended up thinking hard to find the right words that would fit perfectly for the acronym. It gets in your head like @oprah.

TWITCH — Means many things. The itch a twitterer gets when Twitter is down for more than a minute like when it’s down for it’s “so-called” maintenance. The witches at your job who’ve joined Twitter. Big (literally) boss nervous tick that throws people off.

TWIX — The official candy bar of Twitter.

I could think of many more, but I won’t have enough space in this post to keep you focused. And the more I think of new ones, the more I sound like my 3yo dudeling who calls his favorite pasta Twortellini.  I’m sure you can come up with others too. Please feel free to share your TWANGS with me.